"You Got BIG!" And You Became an Ass

Madam's apple: A play on "Adam's apple," referring to the large bulge on the trachea of a woman. May be the sign of a male-to-female transvestite or transsexual, or may simply be genetics.
Holy crap! Look at the madam's apple on Ann Coulter!

Case in point.

Sorry for another two-week hiatus, but I live at home now and nothing happens. But Julia, then you should have much more time to share your thoughts/aspirations/photos of dogs wearing wigs you google! Problem is I'm just not that motivated.

The past few days have revolved around my nine-year-old neighbor Roy, a precocious little man with a big appetite. The kid can eat. Because of him, I've gone to movies I would never otherwise see in a theater, i.e. Land of the Lost and Terminator Salvation. Both somewhat entertaining in their moments but completely forgettable.

I will say one thing though—I do love the wardrobes of any sci-fi, apocalyptic movie... Matrix, Children of Men, War of the Worlds, Terminator... It's British punk meets the Marines meets Eileen Fisher. Like heavily-zippered jackets, combat boots and perfectly frayed, organic tops.

Do these sweaters not scream "end of the world" to you?

See what I mean?

Also, my movie-going experience was slightly ruined after a run-in with this guy from high school who works at the theater, whose name I can't remember.

Guy: Yo, you were in my homebase. Ms. Berry, right?
Me: Oh yeah. Hey, how's it going?
Guy: Dammnnn, girl, you got BIG!!
Me: What?
Guy: I mean, like, you grew. Even in your cheeks! [makes exploding cheek motion]
Me: So you're pretty much just calling me fat...
Guy: Naw, that's not what I'm sayin' [laughing]. You just used to be real petite and shit... and you just grew and got big!
Me: Sweet, thanks. I'm gonna go to the bathroom now and try to shit out the 70 pounds I apparently gained since college. BYE!

So I didn't exactly say that last part, but I was pissed. Who says that? Even if I did put on a little weight. It's not like I can't lose it eventually (as I pop a third Lindt Lindor truffle into my mouth. Dammit.)

Anyway, here's my list of books to read this summer that I'm pretty jazzed about. Thus far:

In Cold Blood, Truman Capote
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck Klosterman
The Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan
Taking the Red Pill, Glenn Yeffeth

Damn straight I'm taking the red pill. This book sounds B.A.

But first, you can find me reading The Hollywood Assistants Handbook that Rachel lent me. I know, I know... sounds kinda ridic. But it's actually really funny and insightful. After I finish, I'll let you know what I learned.

Until then, would you get me some Starbucks, hon?


J.