"Sleeping is Giving In...

... no matter what the time is. Sleeping is giving in, so lift those heavy eyelids.”

-The Arcade Fire

That’s how I’m feeling right now, but for you people I stay up and write. I’m back in Madison after a nice weekend of general nothingness, deep dish Giordano’s pizza and hangin’ with my ladies.

Valentine’s Day was by and large nonexistent for me, as usual, and I’m okay with that. But yesterday I noticed my mother, who is in Seattle, had sent my dad a V-day card in the mail and I decided to just take a little peak out of curiosity—poor choice. After reading that it was signed “Big Chick,” I was simultaneously jealous of my parents for engaging in sexy card exchanges and also nauseated by the image of my mom as a 300-lb, leather-clad woman on a Harley. Gross. 

Or perhaps it's more like this...

Moving on, recent convo with my father:

Me: Dad, do you even use the “Mo’ Urban Dictionary" Ben and I got you for Christmas so you can stop pestering us about what the hip kids are saying these days?

Dad: Well, no. The online version is better; I use that. They have synonyms and are constantly adding new words!

Me: Fine. If you’re not going to use it, can I hold on to it for a while?

Dad: Sure.

 Now, I thought I was pretty up on the lingo, but apparently I’m in the same league as my old man. However, these are a few newly found favorites that I hope to adopt into my vocabulary:

Castle ass: The severe gastrointestinal disturbance that follows the consumption of a large volume of White Castle burgers, especially a ten-sack of cheeseburgers.

Castle ass is the number-one killer of young adult males in Wisconsin. [Direct example sentence from book]

Fat on the couch: In a very lazy mood. Does not want to get up from the couch or does not want to disturb what they are doing. Also, a lack of excitement that can lead to a buddhalike state of bliss.

Yeah, so the Steelers are on TV and my dad’s all fat on the couch, so I don’t think I can get a ride out with you.

 Keep it posi: Short for “keep is positive”

Bob: Look, I colored a picture of a lion.

Karen: It looks like shit. The color is all over the place. You didn’t stay within the lines.

Mom: Hey, you two! Keep it posi, or no macaroni for lunch!

For now on I’m gonna start each entry with a new word, so get excited (I mean, geeked).

Today my bus drove by a sign that said “Cheese, gifts, FIREWORKS.” I knew we had crossed the border, and then I saw a sign welcoming to Wisconsin. I did feel welcomed. Until then, read those warning labels.

-J.