I know I'm Gonna Look Emo

Janky: inferior quality; held in low social regard; old and dilapidated, refers almost exclusively to inanimate material objects.  

We tried to pick up on these girls waiting for the bus, but I was driving my sister's janky 1989 Geo Metro so we just got clowned instead. 

Clearly, you all know "janky," but I just really love the word and plan to use it well into my late 30s. 

Week at home? Two words: Unproductively awesome. What did I do, what did I do... really I don't even know. A few highlights: Old Town on St. Patty's with some ladies, Munch exhibit at the Art Institute with my ma, "Kung Fu Panda", The Keg with Katie Fine, et al. (ridiculous but so good). 

Today, however, I spent seven hours cleaning my room. It was both grueling and refreshing on multiple levels. First, it was dirty and cluttered as shit, seeing that my room has become some sort of storage space. Second, I came across so many old memories—many of which I had long forgotten and felt strange revisiting... photos, mixes, notes from friends, sketches, gifts. I get weird about things I feel like I'm supposed to be sentimental about. But it was also kind of nice to remember what was important to me at those various stages. I did throw a lot of crap out though.

Get this: I was reading a journal entry from like junior year of HS, and it actually started with "Who am I?" My response to reading it was, "Seriously, who the hell am I because who the hell actually starts a journal entry with that?" 

Apparently, I'm Derek Zoolander.  

NOT NOW, TODD. I'M SO TIRED. 

I'm also in the process of trying to figure out my near future. Frankly, it's freaking me out. It feels like everyone around me has a rough idea of what they're doing/where they'll be. Not this chick. I know I'll be home for a while, but I still want to find something stimulating to do while making money, and right now I'm just not sure where to look. I mean, I have been looking and have a few things in mind, but everything feels so up in the air. I wish I could be that spontaneous, relaxed girl who manages to have adventures but eventually settles down with a solid gig. But that seems too fantastical. 

My dad always says your 20s are like "People's Parties" by Joni Mitchell. 

I'm just living on nerves and feelings

With a weak and a lazy mind,

And coming to people's parties

Fumbling deaf, dumb and blind.

I wish I had more sense of humor,

Keeping the sadness at bay,

Throwing the lightness one these things,

Laughing it all away.

Oh Joni, you just get it, don't you? 

Alright, angsty, insecure Julia is making this blog fun for no one right now. Better say goodnight. Goodnight. 

-J.